Icepocalypse 2013 – My Popular Facebook Statuses While Icebound ("They" Think it’s Funny)
Frog issues at the Hiltbrunner Cottage:
So Randell (my husband) says there’s a giant frog in the kitchen last night. It’s a big fat frog the size of my palm. Apparently, he’s been living in our orange tree pot that’s been in the kitchen since the weather got cold. He came out… got a drink in the dog’s dish got himself back up into the orange tree pot and tucked himself in. What’s funny is that he(I think it was him, although I didn’t catch his name) did this last year, also. Came in with another potted plant. That time Jack found him chilling on the dog bed.
We moved here with a pet frog and then let him go. Now this one has adopted us. Seems to be a nice symbiotic relationship with the orange tree. It’s about to give us some nice large mandarin oranges. The dog doesn’t mind him at all. I guess he can stay.
Dec 7, 8:46am
Haven’t left the house except to go sledding in more hours than I care to count.
I have elected myself Chief of Kitchen duties to break up the monotony.
The dreaded duty of wrapping the Christmas presents is complete.
As is customary, on Friday night, I made brownies.
The dog has been acting strangely.
She is clearly suspicious of of us despite (or perhaps because of) being given bacon and waffles. Perhaps she thinks we are fattening her up to eat her. This is not the case as we have plenty of provisions for at least a month. After that it’s anyone’s guess.
Day Three – Dec 8
Hardly any signs of life in the neighborhood. I have washed, dressed and applied makeup as to maintain a sense of normalcy. Cookies are baked. Little interest has been taken in their sugary gooey goodness. Word has come that the highways are shut down for a machine with hundreds of tiny drills to break up the ice. We have been warned to stay away. I heard the men discussing a place called Terraria where there is great wealth to be mined in the form of gold. Maybe we shall depart for this wonderful place.
Day Four- Dec 9
I saw the UPS truck go by. That was today’s excitement.
If school doesn’t open tomorrow I am going to freak out. Seriously, parents claim they send their children to school for an education. No, we send them there so that we don’t have to be with them 24/7. Jack has been great though. He has hardly annoying behaviors. I however am “Mom” when he is around. In his presence, I do not feel free to be the inner me that is not the Mom me, the me that turns up the radio and dances around the house and sings badly at the top of my lungs me. Jack doesn’t like that me. Neither does the dog but she fortunately doesn’t have the ability to report on me when the people return.
Also, I like to cuss like a drunken sailor now and again. This is do not do with children present. Tomorrow I will use my car to leave this place and the judgemental canine behind for several hours. I will blast the car radio and the other mommies will not shake their heads.
Day Five- Dec 10
There will be trouble if school does not open tomorrow. There is still a hip high ice drift on my front porch. The UPS man will probably fling my MIL’s gift at the front door. I don’t blame him. I would not risk life and limb over a silly package for the family that didn’t even try to clear the ice monstrosity. I’m getting out today if it kills me. It might,but I don’t care. I need to see humans that are more than 4 feet tall. I’ve been surrounded by these tiny creatures with large eyes that say I’m bored the minute “screen time” is used up.
I asked one of these “bored” creatures to vacuum my living room. You’re not bored if you refuse to vacuum. Get to work little neighbor’s child.
It’s been days… days… so many days… The jackass weather man who said it would reach 40 degrees today LIED. How do these people keep their jobs?!! Now the high says it’s going to be 33 degrees. If there is no school tomorrow the next entry will come in the form of a collect call from the county lockup. You may not want to accept the charges.
Day Six – Dec 11
Apparently the powers that be have found my updates humorous and would like my torture to continue. Yesterday, “they” said there would be a 2 hour delay in opening school. The “roads” are still icy, they said. It’s dangerous, they said. “They” pulled the wool over my eyes and the rug from beneath my feet. I was sleeping in for the last day of my sentence when the call came that, no, in fact there would be NO school today.
You know what’s dangerous… leaving me trapped in a house with small children, a dog, a hibernating frog and a blender. Rumors that I am running a child labor camp have no truth to them. These children have no skills outside of the virtual worlds they have created. No skills and no muscle tone. Drop and give me fifty you little munchkins…